Someone close to my heart recently introduced me to her friends as a «Love Expert». Along with this introduction came the following supporting argument: «She got married, had a child and got divorced before she was 30. Listen to her, ladies.»- she said as she turned to me expecting a waterfall of wisdom to enlighten the conversation.
Baffled as I was, I felt my insecurities bubbling up, the thought that I used to consider this a tremendous failure in life resurfaced, all I could think to myself is how I was the opposite of a «Love Expert».
While quietly scanning the faces of the eager 20-somethings who stared at me waiting for some divine insight that would lead them to live successful romantic lives, came the contrasting thought that LOVE is so much more than the passionate illusion we get from movies and fairy tales.
True love starts with you. How well you know, listen to, and treat yourself. How you encourage yourself to keep going and achieve your goals. Here’s some food for thought:
Do you speak kindly to yourself?
Do you respect yourself for who and what you are?
Do you spend time with and by yourself?
Do you allow yourself time to heal?
Are you aware of your emotions?
Do you forgive yourself?
Do you love yourself?
Do you live an overall healthy life?
If you answered NO to any of this questions, there is work to be done.
By truly loving yourself you set the foundations to love others. Otherwise, your relationships will be fear based. And what you might regard as love is truly dependency, codependency, fixation, idolatry and/or habit.
I find that the key is being as nurturing to yourself as you would be to a small child. Be caring, loving, attentive, assertive, encouraging and foremost be PATIENT with yourself. Loving yourself in a healthy way balances and centers you, while setting the stable ground to build up.
If you are a spiritual person, like me, you already know that GOD, Spirit, Life, the Universe, (however you might call the energy that ignites us) lives within you. So when you love yourself you are immediately honoring and in communion with that life force that created you. You are much more than just a physical body that breathes, walks and talks. You are an atom of a Universe made up of love.
Along the path to self-love, I’ve come across many wonderful guides and teachers that continuously inject wisdom into my life.
From what I’ve learned on my path, I’ve put up a short list of tips and tricks that will surely boost your self-love, self-respect, and confidence.
5 Tips to loving yourself more
Be mindful. Listen to yourself.
Identify how you talk to yourself. Are you constantly on your back because you gained a couple of pounds, burnt your breakfast or made a mistake at work? Let it go. Forgive yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. Talk assertively to yourself. Encourage yourself to keep going. Be aware that the most permanent relationship you will have in life, is with yourself. You want it to be as positive and pleasant as possible.
Dig deep. Be aware of your feelings and patterns.
Keep your emotions in check, and by this I mean, be aware of how you feel, why you feel it and where in your body do you feel it. Often repressed or unexplored emotions get lodged in our body causing physical discomfort or pain (more on this to come). By doing this you will begin to identify emotional patterns in yourself and change them into more positive ones.
Reinforcement. Reward yourself.
Start small, set daily goals. When you achieve them, acknowledge that you made it happen. Praise yourself for a job well done. If you don’t reach your daily goal, forgive yourself and commit to being better tomorrow, Know that things will not always go your way. Accept it and move on. Repeat for at least 21 days, it is said activities become habits after practicing them for this amount of time. Once you’re ready, start setting medium and long term goals and rewarding yourself for trying and the ones you achieve. Rewards can go from acknowledging your success to expensive spa retreats, whatever your heart desires and your budget allows.
Time. Be with yourself.
Think about it, when you like someone you want to spend most of your time with them. This should be the case with you. Set aside as little as 30 min a day to be with and by yourself, getting to know yourself and doing things you enjoy. Cook, read, paint, sing, dance in your undies, whatever makes you happy. Remember that you are valuable and are worth spending time with.
Care. Be healthier and get active.
Be mindful of how you treat your body. What you feed it and how you nurture it. A good way to start is observing how you feel after each meal. If you often feel heavy, tired or lazy after a meal, your body is telling you that you are not nurturing it properly. Try to eat cleaner and observe how you feel afterward. You should be feeling replenished and energetic after a balanced healthy meal.
Find the physical activity that makes you happiest and commit to it. You don’t have to become a triathlete or join an expensive gym. Dance, walk, run, swim, do pilates, etc. There are several advantages of getting physical, for starters, you’ll be healthier, endorphins will make you happier and watching your body transform into a fitter more toned version of yourself will make you feel more confident.
There are many other tips and tricks you could practice to increase self-love, some of them you will find yourself along the way. But for now, I think the essentials are about covered. Always remember to love yourself first, honor your energy and the gift of life that you are, be thankful for the opportunity, now go out and make the best of it by sharing yourself lovingly with others. Spreading the love that you already are inside.
Come to think of it, my «tremendous failure» lead me to find my path; a path of greater understanding and true love. So I wouldn’t call it a failure after all.
Love,
Mar
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